Dark Lord & Dark Mistress' Lonely Heart Sacrifices

Lonely Heart Sacrifices
The horny, the dull, the illiterate and the plain ole weird.
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Come with us to witness the greatest source of our human sacrifices - those that constantly trawl the lonely heart areas of the internet, sending out responses that no girl on earth could possibly take seriously, let alone one as discerning as the Dark Mistress.

We do not seek to sacrifice all those looking to find love through the personals, yet all those sacrifices whose applications are featured on this site you will soon find are lonely for a reason. Who could possibly love anyone as lame, illiterate, blatant, dull or just plain weird as those who have inadvertently entered the portals of our dark lair?

Of the many hundred replies to the Dark Mistress' ad, only a small proportion is worthy of sacrifice and thus featured on this site. We hope that you find them as entertaining as we did and, if you ever do decide to respond to a similar ad at some time, then we hope you will just pause for a moment to consider what it is that you are trying to say, which is something that these sacrifices obviously did not bother with.

Below is the Dark Lord and Dark Mistress' first ad that drew in the sacrifices that are linked below:

Single Once More (And Planning On Enjoying Every Minute!)

This Christmas, I got the present that I've been wanting to get for the past ten years - my divorce papers!

I had already been married for five years when I realized that going straight from student to housewife meant that I never had chance to live a little. Now is my opportunity to make up for lost time by doing all the things that I wanted to do, but never thought I would get the chance to. For me, life definitely begins at 30!

I'm not saying that I would never get married again if the right guy came along, but right now, that's not what I'm looking for. If you're looking for a wife, then try me again in five years - I might be ready then if I've done all the things that I want to do, like ...

Have you ever wanted to just take off for a week - just get in the car and drive, with no destination in mind, just tossing a coin to see which road to take? Does the sound of a summer storm make you want to sprint through the rain, dancing beneath the cool shower? Does the thought of drinking champagne at midnight on a snowy evening, sitting on a fur rug staring into a roaring log fire make you sigh with bliss? Would sleeping beneath the stars on a deserted expanse of beach bring romantic notions to mind?

These are just some of my dreams and I'm looking for someone to help me make them come true.

So I guess that I should tell you a little about myself.

Physically, I'm a spunky 5'6", 140lbs with strawberry blonde hair, and blue eyes.

I'm looking for a guy who will wine me and dine me, and treat me like a princess, but wouldn't let me win in a game of football, just because I'm a girl (and who wouldn't hesitate to tackle me, either!).

So if you think that you can handle me, then go ahead and drop me a line.

And now... on to the sacrifices:

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Dark Lord & Dark Mistress' Human Sacrifices