" So now do you understand?DM: *giggles* That's too funny!! Couldn't he at least TRY to make an attempt, though? It's not that hard.
Talk Like An Egyptian
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ICQ History Log For:
LOBSTER
Started on Mon Mar 13 13:46:53 2000
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LOBSTER
11:36 AM Hi
I've been many times at USA
So nice meeting you
Dark Lord: Errm ... sorry?
I can't quite recall the meeting.
Dark Mistress: Maybe
it was my non-evil twin.
Mistress
11:38 AM Oh really? Which part of the USA?
LOBSTER 11:39 AM I've been at NY & Nj & Huston &
Cleveland
I'm 46 divorced from EGYPT
how about you?
DL: Bless him. He seems
so proud of the fact that he's from EGYPT. From what I've heard about the country, he'd be
better off saying that he's from egypt.
DM: Wait... he said he was
divorced from EGYPT. Maybe EGYPT is his ex-wife's name.
Mistress
11:41 AM Oh great, an Egyptian! Do you live in a pyramid?
I'm 30, married but getting a divorce. How did you happen to page
me?
LOBSTER 11:41 AM i find you in the white page
Do you have a pic
DL: Hey - what happened to the
question about the pyramid? It's nothing to be ashamed of,
you know. Are you sure that it wasn't the white SLAVERY
pages you were trying to find there?
DM: Yeah... I was really
hoping he would bite at that pyramid question. What is it with
people and this "Do you have a pic" (and here's that
question mark you lost: ?)? What kind of pic? A water pic? A hay
pic? A pic of my pet turtle Nancy?
Mistress
11:44 AM Oh? What were you looking for in the white pages in
particular?
There is a picture of me on my web site, but you'll have to find
it.
LOBSTER 11:45 AM ok you want to see mine?
DL: This guy's definitely keen
to give you his picture. He's probably going to send you a
picture of Egypt's #1 heartthrob - it's not as if anyone in the
US would know the difference.
DM: *snickers* Yes, that's
for sure. Does Egypt have a #1 hearththrob? I wonder if he lives
in a pyramid...
Mistress
11:46 AM Oh sure, that would be nice.
You didn't answer my question, though... what were you looking
for on the white pages?
LOBSTER 11:47 AM I'l be at USA next june 2000
so i'm looking for friends to talk &meet
DL: What's going on in June
2000, I wonder? Should we let the FBI know that an
undesirable alien shellfish is on its way?
DM: HAHAHA!!!
Mistress
11:48 AM Which part of the US?
LOBSTER 11:49 AM I've been at NY & NJ & Huston &
Cleveland & Chicago
which link i could se your pic in your web site
DL: Hmmm - all the sites of
major terrorist bombing. I think he missed Oklahoma City
off his list though.
DM: Now that's a scary
thought. Notice how he told me the same exact cities as before?
What does he think, I'm slow or something?
Mistress
11:49 AM Just send it to: [email protected] because I am behind
a firewall and can't transfer files.
LOBSTER 11:50 AM autherise me pls to send my pic
DL: What is it that all these
guys have with wanting to be authorized? Is it like 'OK, so
I got a small dick, but look how many chicks I've got on my
ICQ list'?
DM: Beats the hell out of
me... guess authorization is like permission to continue
harrassing me for the rest of my life. And what is up with this 'pls'
bullshit? I HATE that abbreviation. Okay, okay... personal peeve...
I'd also like to add that his spelling is driving me nuts, but
since he's a foreigner, I'll give him a break on that. See? I'm
not *all* bad!
Mistress 11:51 AM
Where are you going to in June?
I told you, ya have to hunt for it. It's like treasure!
So what made you pick me out of all the others in the white pages.
Mistress 11:52 AM I don't authorize people until I know them well.
I can't receive files at all through ICQ because I am behind a
firewall that prohibits it. Send the pic to my e-mail.
LOBSTER 11:52 AM I wil be in VA & Chicago & SF
i pick you really by random
i cant go in need login name & passsword
DM: What the hell's he doing,
trying to hack into my web page?! SECURITY!! Idiot.
DL: At random? Well
he sure as hell doesn't know how to make a girl feel special.
Even Dave was more charming than him
DM: Wonder if he did "Eenie meenie miney mo"?
Mistress
11:54 AM Login name and password for what?
LOBSTER 11:55 AM the site you gave me need that to be there
DL: Oh boy, we've
sure got ourselves a computer genius here by the look of it.
DM: Oh for Pete's sake!! I
don't know where this nimrod ended up, but it's sure as hell not
on my site.
Mistress
11:56 AM My website doesn't require a login and password.
The other thing I gave you was my e-mail address.
LOBSTER 11:57 AM i cant find it
Pls give me your e mail
and tell me what link to see your pic
DL: For god's sake - I reckon he's
deliberately screwing it up now in the hope that you get on
a plane, fly over to Egypt and do it for him.
DM: No kidding!! This guy's
just a few fries short of a Happy Meal, I do believe.
Mistress
11:57 AM All right, click on the roleplaying link. My e-mail is
[email protected]
LOBSTER 12:00 PM first check your e mail
second i'm there at the fantacy Roleplaying
cant find you
what other link to follow
DL: I guess that we're finally
getting there slowly but surely.
DM: Oh bloody hell, if it
were a snake it would have bitten him!
Mistress
12:01 PM Okay, I will.
It says "The REAL Me".
LOBSTER 12:03 PM No thing there by the real me
DL: Oh
for crying out loud. Perhaps you should write to him in
hieroglyphics from now on - "" So now do you understand?
DM: *giggles* That's too
funny!! Couldn't he at least TRY to make an attempt, though? It's
not that hard.
Mistress
12:05 PM Click on the little diamond beside it.
LOBSTER 12:08 PM Ok i find it
You find mine
DL: He sent you a
diamond? Wow. That's about the only way he'd ever get
you to authorize him.
DM: Even then, I'd put him
on my ignore list right after! All I could think of when he sent
that "You find mine" is this joke about some oriental
guy who's dick was so small, he couldn't find it. I don't
remember the joke, but the guy said, "I can't find mine!"
and his wife said, "I can't find it either!" Okay,
probably funnier in context. <G>
Mistress
12:11 PM Yes, I got it. Beautiful house... you sure don't look 46.
Why do you call yourself LOBSTER? Do you like crustaceans?
DL: ..or is it
because you've got crabs?
DM: Maybe he's just got a
really bad sunburn. Okay... about the pic: As tempting as it is
to stick it up here for all the world to see, I'm not quite *that*
evil, so I'll just say this much. There's no way on God's green
earth this guy was 45. He wasn't unattractive, either, if you
like that kinda guy... but still... he had this look about him
like he should have been aboard a 747 pointing something
potentially dangerous at the pilot.
LOBSTER 12:12 PM because i like all sea food what you mean bycrustaceans
DL: That has to be the weirdest
way of coming up with a nick that I've ever heard of before - to name
yourself after your favorite food. It could have been worse
though - he might have really liked sheep's testicles.
DM: Very, very true. I
guess I'd have to call myself Pop Tarts. That's my current
favorite food. Subject to change, see store for details.
Mistress
12:15 PM Crustacean: any of a large class (Crustacea) of mostly
aquatic mandibulate arthropods that have a chitinous or
calcareous and chitinous exoskeleton, a pair of often much
modified appendages on each segment, and two pairs of antennae
and that include the lobsters, shrimps, crabs, wood lice, water
fleas, and barnacles
LOBSTER 12:25 PM wil you autherise me now
DL: Well you might at least
have said 'thank you' after we took the trouble to give
you that detailed biology lesson.
DM: *sniggers* He probably
STILL has no idea what a crustacean is. He was like, "Okay,
sure, fine, whatever, will you autherise me now?" And for
crying in the mud, it's AUTHORIZE!! Not "autherise. Man!
Mistress
12:25 PM Not yet. So what do you do for a living?
LOBSTER 12:26 PM why is it dangerous to autherise me
DL: He's avoiding the question
again. I'm telling you, this guy is definitely a terrorist.
DM: Yeppers. Either that,
or a crustacean smuggler.
Mistress 12:27 PM It's dangerous!!! Oh my gosh!!! In that case, there's no way I'm gonna authorize you!
DL: I guess he went off sobbing
at that point. He probably tried looking through the ICQ
White Slavery Pages to try and find a more cooperative victim.
DM: Methinks he'd be better
off sticking with his own species. Lobsters, shrimps, crabs, wood
lice, water fleas, and barnacles.
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